An Elegant Suspicion

It's an elegant suspicion
That holds me back again
I feel like I'm being lied to
By the dearest of friends.

Maybe Sigmund had it right
Or maybe someone else
But how can I know you
When I don't even know myself?

It's an elegant suspicion
That undermines my dreams
I can see that the world is
Seldom what it seems.

It's an elegant suspicion
That finds weaknesses unseen
And topples the illusions
To fall down at your feet.

Maybe Mr. K was right
To be paranoid and scared
How can I be right here
When my mind's everywhere?

And I can't go back again.
No, I can't wear that mask.
Sometimes the world is changed,
By the questions you've asked.

So it's an elegant suspicion
That undermines my dreams
I can see that the world is
Seldom what it seems.

I can see everything
Is seldom as it seems.

Marv Albert

What was it that I was supposed to be thinking?

Was it one of these overlapping voices in my head?

Well I tried the differential calculus and could not

Find the derivative of sanity with respect to my mind.

And what is that feeling angry, bitter within my gut?

Like a fist clenched tightly around my insides.

Such shame. Like a stifled laugh from a belligerent joke,

Fermented among a long-delinquent sense of humor.  

What am I to make of this desperate self-indulgence?

These sad, shaking hands scribbling mindlessly…

Illegibly--

Indiscriminately--  

With no regard for human life.