Self-Abused?

A day like any other
But lived as a series of minute tragedies…
The sum greater than any single  part
Yet I demand of myself to know…
Yes I demand to know why!
By what right were these existential
Horrors visited upon me?!
What of this conspiracy of karma?
Fearsome, naive, being--pitifully  unknowing of my deservedness.
What sick joke of gods destined this to me?
Where great illness and poverty did not suffice,
These tiny tortures pick at the  soul,
Leaving invisible scars of repeated abuse.
Scars others will no doubt call self-abuse.
Ha!

After Day After Day

I, so worthless and full of hate
Did stare in an angry mirror
And recite a list of my mistakes.

Mistakes easily found with haste
Like toys half-buried in wet sand
Where I found failure's salty taste.

I, robbed of purpose or useful life
Sat a while in sun-bleached hate
And simply raged to a silent sky.

I, so worthless and full of hate
Too cowardly to walk away...
And performed the ritual day after day.

Reading The Frog Poem

Today, I made a brief study of 17th century Japanese monk, philosopher, and poet, Matsuo Basho. Around 1681, Basho composed perhaps the most well-known haiku of all time: Frog Poem or The Old Pond. There are countless versions of the haiku, with numerous English language renderings--including one by Howl poet Allen Ginsberg. Many of these haiku are available on a
Wikimedia page for the poem:
https://en.m.wikisource.org/wiki/Frog_Poem

The version of the poem given in the video on Basho was as follows:

Old pond
A frog leaps in
Water’s sound

The main concept underlying Basho’s philosophy and work is wabi-sabi. Wabi-sabi refers to Japanese ideas about accepting the impermanence and imperfection inherent in life and finding the beauty in life within this context of imperfection. The concept in
Japanese culture originates within the three marks of existence of Buddhist teaching: impermanence, suffering, and emptiness.

Another beautiful illustration of this concept is in the Japanese practice of kintsugi, the repair of broken ceramics with lacquer mixed with precious material such as gold. The artisan makes no attempt to hide the damage to the piece, this becomes part of its
essential beauty. By learning this practice, we can learn to better value ourselves and our own shattered lives.

I learned about Matsuo Basho from the YouTube channel and companion Web site "The School of Life," which has hundreds of short educational videos on hundreds of different topics. They have developed an essential curriculum for all who are interested to learn for free at one’s own pace and according to one’s own curiosity. The Basho video can be accessed at
https://youtu.be/90-2Dg2CJdw which will also provide a link to the larger channel if one so desires. Thanks!