cold sweat

addiction is motivation
blinders on and unaware
that the world was bigger
than a pill bottle
close to empty, began
its lonely death rattle
only one more dose
better vomit first

Sadducees

Imaginary fits
Of extra-ordinariness
By now you should know this
That, this is all there is.
And I would be remiss
Thus fail to reminisce
Of a life I didn't live
Because this is all there is.
It's nice to be nothing
That comes with no warning
With digestive contorting
I speak & write & sing
It's all how I carry myself
Hollowed out like a shell
That from a shotgun fell
With a sound deadly to tell...

I know just what to expect
Fingers locked around my neck
Repaid a cancelled check
A victim of my own neglect--
And all there is inside
Of rage & formaldehyde
I won't, I will, I tried
Found wanting every time.

In all ways, found wanting.

"Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye devour widows' houses, and for a pretence make long prayer..." Matthew 23:14