From My Cardboard Box Archive: "American Eulogy" written in 1994, age 18

Note: This is the first installment, or perhaps the only (time will tell), of my revisiting old works. Then, as now, I write what I feel. The emotion is more important than precise language or structure (who needs iambic pentameter?) and sometimes it flows seamlessly from mind to page. Anyway, I'm not trying to pretend to be a good writer, but hopefully there are a few ideas here and there that are interesting.This also might show that morbid thought is not a particularly new form of expression for me!

"American Eulogy"

I've seen the death of youth
As I grew from childhood
Green countryside of innocence
A place time had never touched.

I've seen the death of youth
The death of my own soul
As our roads became streets
As television raped education.

I've seen the death of youth
As the thirst of demons grew
The love of experience
Left purity ashamed.

I've seen the death of youth
As the heroes thrust before me
Were troubled and lost
And only served to confuse.

I've seen the death of youth
As machines replaced my hands
As standards censored my ideas
And I knew I was naked.

I've seen the death of youth
Tabloids became news
Big-budget movie America
Talk-show living room.

I've seen the death of youth
As subculture became culture
As left wing became right until
Only argument was left.

I've seen the death of youth
As identity became ashamed
As rebellion masked conformity
And faith became a joke.

I've seen the death of youth
As bureaucracy became my father
And compliance became my mother
And I another number.

I've seen the death of youth
The death of Santa Claus and Jesus
The death of rebellion because
We have no clear enemies.

I've seen the death of youth
Baby-boomers refuse to let it go
And sociologists label me
To keep my mind pacified.

I've seen the death of life
All America held sacred
For the love of technology
Innocence is sacrificed   

I've seen the death of me and you
I've seen the death of youth.

What is it you pretend not to know?

What is this that you pretend not to know?
Is it that you are ugly or getting old?
Is it that you are not as smart as you seem to be?
Is it that you are full of all these doubts at once?
What is it that you pretend not to know?
That you are talentless and only faking?
That you want everyone to think you are cute?
That there is a rage inside you that's barely controlled?
What are you pretending not to know?
That you are empty inside and trying to plug the hole?
Is it that you are an addict or an obsessive?
That you are falling apart every second and
Just puling yourself back together in time to appear sane?
What do you pretend not to know?
That you are a crazy person in an insane world?
That wars and famines and diseases make sense?
That you think you could do something good but can't?
Why are you pretending not to know?
Is it because you are afraid to look for real answers?
Afraid to challenge your own beliefs?
Afraid of what you'll find at the end of the sentence?
What is it that you pretend not to know?
That your life is over?
That you are dis-abled?
That you have nothing to contribute to the world?
Is it that it's all a lie to you?
What is it that I'm pretending not to know?
That I don't know anything at all?
That I am actually happy?
That I lack the will for sorrow?
Or that I pretend always--
Pretending not to know