simply one

A mass of humanity
A living breathing thing
Not many bodies
Simply one
Each an atom
In a larger organism
That knows nothing
Of its component
Just as most
Know nothing
Of the organism
Or in knowing, despise.
Much as they should
Destruction, degradation
A tale told in a billion voices
Mosaic of a billion faces
Entering the world
Leaving the world
Moments passing through the void
The void of being
And the absence that gives it meaning

I Failed Health Class

"I Failed Health Class"

Doctors' offices
Cold & sterile
Cast in harsh light
Instant scars to the psyche
Prescription drugs
The stone of Sysiphus
The bitter bite taste
Of the lack of a cure
The impermanence
Of cautious relief
Only to feel again
The agony of disease
And the bone-deep hatred
Of my genes
That bring me ever back
To doctors' offices

Legacy

"Legacy"

Transgressing
Minute by minute
Every hour of the day
In cognitive dissonance
What I believe
How I behave
Hard drawn lines
Smudged grey with compromise
Living, breathing
While shedding reptilian skins
Searching for another fruit
To hasten my decay
Street sounds
Howling desert winds
Machine gun fire
Forms in triplicate
Cigarette butts tossed in styrofoam cups
Gathered in plastic grocery bags
And stacked high before museum doors
Vegetable mutation
Meat suicide
Morphine pumps
Sugar highs
Lollipop sins & whiskey repentance
Birds falling mid-air
Ashamed of their flight
Close the door behind you, dear
It feels dead outside
I left this for you, my chld
A legacy of indifference.,

Dead Already

"Dead Already"

If you knew you would die in your sleep
From the time you woke up one day
What would you worry about?
The loved ones you leave behind?
Every day thousands of lives end
Those connected to their lives go on
Would you regret some omission of word or deed?
When you had a lifetime to bear it...
How vulgar, how profane
To stammer through it now
If you knew you would die today
Would you go to work?
Would you eat a favorite meal?
Would you climb onto the stair master
Would you sit in silent judgment
Of the life you have lived?
Or silent regret for the one you did not?
Would you say goodbye
Or make dozens of phone calls?
Would you just stare greedily
Into the faces of those you love?
If you knew your would die today
Would you pray?
Would you beg for more time?
I don't think so.
If you knew you would die today
You would do much as you do every day.
You would feel the same minor frustrations
That seem to make life unbearable: 
Poor cell phone reception, slow internet
Lovehandles you just can't shed
Those you love so much would walk by
Unnoticed as they so often are
If you knew your would die today
You would live just as selfishly as yesterday
Because you are going to die today
Some today
But don't covet your worries and cares
They were already dea.

Prayer for Acceptance #1207

God, grant me forgiveness
For the things I could change
But never will

God give me peace, please
To accept who I am
To confess all I can

To be honest with myself
To hold open my eyes
And burn with a vision of truth

How could I begin to utter
A single word in prayer
When I can't stop lying to myself

Let my fear be my courage
Let my trauma be my strength
Let my weakness be my joy

Let my vanity bring me to my knees
Let me stand before You
With fear and trembling

Because of what I am
Let me confess my failure
And feel my insignificance

Then let my heart find peace
In Your accepting, warm
Kind disappointent

Let me not avert my eyes from
The reflection of my rebellion
Take my will, my desire

And let my emptiness
Rest in perfection
Amen.

What is it you pretend not to know?

What is this that you pretend not to know?
Is it that you are ugly or getting old?
Is it that you are not as smart as you seem to be?
Is it that you are full of all these doubts at once?
What is it that you pretend not to know?
That you are talentless and only faking?
That you want everyone to think you are cute?
That there is a rage inside you that's barely controlled?
What are you pretending not to know?
That you are empty inside and trying to plug the hole?
Is it that you are an addict or an obsessive?
That you are falling apart every second and
Just puling yourself back together in time to appear sane?
What do you pretend not to know?
That you are a crazy person in an insane world?
That wars and famines and diseases make sense?
That you think you could do something good but can't?
Why are you pretending not to know?
Is it because you are afraid to look for real answers?
Afraid to challenge your own beliefs?
Afraid of what you'll find at the end of the sentence?
What is it that you pretend not to know?
That your life is over?
That you are dis-abled?
That you have nothing to contribute to the world?
Is it that it's all a lie to you?
What is it that I'm pretending not to know?
That I don't know anything at all?
That I am actually happy?
That I lack the will for sorrow?
Or that I pretend always--
Pretending not to know

Thump

I hope you hate this poem
I hope it sticks in your mind like flypaper
And that its lack of formal structure
Gnaws at you like restless legs in a sleepless night
I hope you wake with this verse in your mind
Tumbling over and over monotonously
The thump of a forgotten cellphone
Tumbling around in the clothes dryer
Thump
Intruding upon your thoughts
Thump
Try to not think of this thump
As you go throughout your day
As you search for your car keys
Thump
Try to forget this poem, thump 
It's only symbols on a page
That thump around your head
Like the hours you count desperate
Until work is finally over
Thump 
I hope you hate this poem
And the hand that wrote it
And bang your head against the wall
Thump
 Thump
  Thump